Insecurities are a silent killer. It’s perfectly normal to have them and I have yet to meet anyone without them, so the presence of insecurities would likely not alarm anyone, nor I, but the more I observe myself, the more I see how normalized insecurities have become. Insecurities are what has hurt me in fulfilling my truest potential. Online resources and the billion-dollar self-help industry can attest to the prominence of insecurities, so I’ve never felt abnormal in possessing insecurities. In fact, psychologists can attest that insecurities are a normal part of human development. To some degree I would say yes, but what if insecurities are so inescapable that it inhibits one from moving forward with anything. Yes, humans are prone to insecurities, but the normalization of its existence is what had inhibited me to think there wasn’t another way.
For a while, knowing how normal insecurities are allowed me to let my insecurities dictate my life. What I didn’t think about was the degree of my insecurities and how it inhibited my actions. I used to think outside circumstances or the situation I am in was what was stopping me from being able to feel, be, or do certain things but I realize now that the contribution to these internalized limitations are in fact a mirror to my exaggerated insecurities. My limitations are not concrete. My limitations are not what’s actually stopping me from doing things, but rather I am harnessing unhealthy levels of insecurities which translates into fear and therefore inhibits me from taking actions. I therefore also have stopped myself from optimizing on my own potential. Doesn’t that sound silly?
Looking out from within, it’s easy to see why blaming external factors becomes the coping mechanism of choice (like blaming genetics or blaming circumstance); a sort of denial and aversion to accepting my own autonomy in my actions. Also, another convincing factor to blame something other than myself is that blaming something else shifts the responsibility away from myself. Of course, I am not saying that there aren’t realities that aren’t happening around me which are beyond my control, nor am I saying that there are certain unarguable limitations (like how humans can’t fly-- though humans did invent airplanes and rockets), nor is the outside world completely passive in shaping my actions. What I am highlighting is how I tend to only attribute limitations to external factors before giving room to contemplate my insecurities which are contributing to the limitation I encounter.
Most limitations, for example like “I can’t move to a new city” or “I can’t start a new routine” are all created limitations. It is not true that I can’t do either of these things if I wanted to, which is therefore different to how I can’t fly without a machine assisting me. This fact alone has been a monumental awakening, as I never thought the responsibility to breakdown these inhibiting limitations was within my autonomy. Upon closer observation, my conclusion is that most of the limitations I encounter are in fact created due to my own insecurities. I’ve somehow managed to go through life allowing these created limitations to trap me in my own reality. I forget that the truth of my experience lies in my mind and if I believe I can’t do something, then that’s the truth that will play out.
This is what I’ve struggled through over the years. I’ve struggled by creating limitations in my mind which aren’t actually true. I’ve struggled to take action because of these created limitations and when I look back at my life, I do admit, I sometimes feel regret at the missed opportunities I feel I’ve let gone by. I had allowed limitations and fear dictate how I lived my life and looking back, I no longer want to life that way. I still sometimes lie awake fearful of what tomorrow will bring. I am fearful that I will live a meaningless life. I am fearful I will miss critical opportunities in my personal and professional life. I lie in bed thinking about how insignificant my life feels today and how it may stay the same tomorrow. All these struggles are struggles I still live with, but what I’ve come to realize is how these limitations only exist in my mind.
The liberating truth about all the work that I’ve done over the years on myself and the research I’ve done on this matter is that I now I know that I have the power to change my truth. I have the power to change my reality. I have the power to breakdown my insecurities. I know that it takes serious effort to change and stop myself from inhibiting my own potential, but the light at the end of the tunnel is that I know I can change. That change is possible, that change can happen, that change is within my control, and that change is the responsibility I have to myself. My fixation on limitations due to my insecurities has held me captive for so long, but I now know it only has power over my actions if I allow it.
Jumping out off the corporate world and becoming a full time fitness professional and starting my blog was and is still one of the scariest endeavors I have undertaken. I have no idea where life will take me, but I am optimistic about what the future holds because I am now aware of the power insecurities has over my actions. I now place a lot of effort in debunking my own insecurities as I want to live a life free from regret and what ifs. I want to continue to take actions towards my dreams and ambition and I will continue to work on releasing myself from the captivity of my insecurities; that alone, I know, is a journey that’ll take a lifetime.